Shikamaru's Story
by AquaSkye16
Summary: R&R. Genuises get all the luck. For example, they get all the crazy stories...here's Shikamaru's. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

_**Shikamaru's Story**_

Chapter One: Shipwrecked in a Troublesome Town!

"AHH! TROUBLESOME CAPTAIN!" a very soggy boy with a soggy pineapple ponytail crawled out of the water. He looked out. He saw a town. A very troublesome town. He got up and waded the rest of the way.

The troublesome captain of that troublesome ship…what was it's name…the Troublesome Titanic had smashed into an iceberg and now he was here, sopping wet in a troublesome town. He saw a coin on the ground and bent to pick it up. Even though it was troublesome, he was a genius, and geniuses needed to eat. Bad.

"IT'S A DEER!"

Shikamaru stood up.

"IT'S A DEER STANDING ON TWO LEGS! IT'S ONE OF SANTA'S MAGICAL REINDEER!"

Shikamaru sweatdropped, which didn't help at all. He was wet enough already.

A female with four pigtails ran at him, arms outstretched. "I WANT IT! I WANT! I'LL CALL IT SHIKA-KUN!"

"Temari…" a red haired boy with the kanji symbol for "deer" on his forehead and another in a deer costume walked up. Shikamaru ran for the shore. Drowning was a better end.

All for naught, however, because he was bowled over by the excited Temari. And two seconds later, he was in a very, very great palace with a collar round his neck and a plate of cookies and milk by his side. And carrots. And the collar said, "Shika-kun."

His stomach rumbled, and he reached for the cookies and milk. He was not touching dirty tubers just pulled from the ground.

"IT'S GOING TO EAT!" Shikamaru started to eat. "IT'S EATING!"

"Wow. Yay." Her brothers, Gaara and Kankurou, waved their hands. "Ooh. Ah."

"MORE ENTHUSIASM!"

"WOW! Yay! Ooh! Ah!"

"MORE OR PERISH UNDER THE WRATH OF ME AND MY TOOLS OF DEATH!" Temari held up a toothbrush and a bar of soap.

"_WOW! YAY! OOH! AH!_"

"Better! Now go put on those cheerleading outfits and do that dance!"

Gaara and Kankurou came out wearing white sweaters and yellow mini skirts with blue and white striped pom-poms.

"GIMME A D! GIMME A W! GIMME A ARF! WHAT'S THAT SPELL? DEER!"

"NO YOU IDIOTS!" Shikamaru yelled, standing up. "THAT SPELLS DWARF!"

"WATCH THE LITTLE MUNCHKINS DANCE!"

"D W A R F! TROUBLESOME DWARF!"

"YAY YAY YAY!"

"DANCE! DANCE I TELL YOU!"

"YOU CAN'T SPELL FOR YOUR TROUBLESOME LIVES!"

"GO GO GO!"

"Er…Te-Temari-dono…"

"HINATA-CHAN! COME ON IN! DO YOU HAVE…" her voice suddenly was very soft and whispery. "Them…"

"Y-Yes…ma'am…" Hinata, a girl with bluish hair and lavender eyes, brought out a very annoyed male with black hair that spiked up in the back and a disgruntled female with long pink hair. "The…er…deer are back…"

"GOOD! THEY NEED TO ACCOMPANY SANTA'S DEER, RUDOLPH!"

"WHO IN THE HECK HAS TROUBLESOME PINK OR BLUE HAIR?! WHO DOES?!" Shikamaru leapt up and pointed a hand at them. "THAT'S NOT NATURAL I TELL YOU! AND MALE CHEERLEADERS! THAT'S JUST PLAIN UNNATURAL!"

"YAY! DEER! LET'S GO! WIN OR DIE!"

"I HAVE COME TO KILL YOU AT LONG LAST, DEER EMPRESS!" A boy with brown hair riding a great white dog flew in the window. "ME AND MY RED-NOSED DOG, AKAMARU! HE HAS A COLD AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"KING KIBA OF THE MUTTS!"

"CANINES, EMPRESS TEMARI OF THE MEAT!"

"DEER!"

Kiba was followed by two of his most trusted advisors, a brown haired girl with her hair tied up in buns and a brown haired boy with lavender pupils and a VERY long ponytail.

"YOU HAVE A TROUBLESOME PONYTAIL!" Shikamaru yelled at him. His lungs were starting to die from too much troublesome screaming, though.

"And you have a pineapple sticking out of the back of your head." Tenten, his female companion, pointed out.

"IT'S NOT A-A…" Shikamaru's voice died out.

"That happens to me, too." Hinata patted him on the back. Meanwhile, the pink haired girl, Sakura, and the black haired boy, Sasuke, were calmly talking. Or something like that.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU JUST HAD TO STOP AT THAT ATOMIC WEAPONS STORE!" Sasuke yelled.

"WELL, EVEN IF WE'RE CAPTURED, I AT LEAST I'M STILL THINKING OF WORLD CONQUEST!" Sakura yelled back.

"I'M JUST THINKING OF STAYING SANE!" Sasuke retorted.

"You were sane in the first place…?"

"DON'T MAKE ME KILL YOU!"

"INSANE PERSON!" Sakura pointed.

"CURE AKAMARU NOW OR FACE MY GREAT WRATH!"

"I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T GIVE YOUR DOG A COLD! YOU MUST LIVE IN SUCH UNSANITARY CONDITIONS THAT ALONE GAVE YOUR DOG A DISEASE!"

"LYING LYING LYING MEAT EMPRESS!"

Akamaru started drooling. '…meat? Akamaru likes meat. Akamaru likes meat very much. And that is an empress made of meat. Meat. Meat. Akamaru likes meat…' his slowly processing brain thought about this.

"AH! YOUR MUTT IT BITING MY LEG! MY LEG! MY LEG!"

"GO AKAMARU! SHOW HER WHO'S BOSS!"

'MEAT! MEAT!'

"CARNIVOROUS DOG!"

"TIME TO DIE, SAKURA!"

"HELP ME! PERSON WHO NEEDS TO BE IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL! HELP ME! I'M BEING CHASED BY AN UNSTABLE PERSON! HELP, SOMEBODY!"

"PINEAPPLE BOY!"

"N-Neji…"

"HOW DARE YOU CALL MY HAIR TROUBLESOME! ALTHOUGH IT IS A LITTLE FEMININE I THINK IT IS VERY MANLY! I AM VERY MANLY!"

"NEJI, STOP ACTING LIKE GAI RIGHT NOW OR I'LL PUNCH YOUR FACE IN!"

"NEVER! I AM MANLY, YOU CAN'T PUNCH MY FACE IN!"

SMACK.

"AAHHH! WHY, WHY, WHY?! MY FACE-IT BURNS!"

"MWHAHAHAHA!"

Neji started running around, screaming with a pie in his face.

"OH YEAH OH YEAH! WE ARE, LIKE, THE HOTTEST, LIKE, CHEERLEADERS, LIKE, EVER!"

"AAAAHHHHH!!!! IS THAT YOU, GAARA-SAMA AND KANKUROU-SAMA?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Hinata pointed a shaking finger.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! TROUBLESOME WOMAN YOU JUST SPILT SCALDING TROUBLESOME TEA ON MY FACE! MY FACE! IT BURNS!"

"YES, MY BROTHER! WE WILL SUFFER OUR MANLY FACES BURNING TOGETHER!" Neji screamed.

"RUN PIE-BOY!"

"EEEEKKKKKK!!! By the way, that was a manly girly shriek, not a girly girly shriek. Oh yeah. HELP ME! SPARE ME, OH MIGHTY TENTEN!"

"MY BOTTOM! STOP! STOP! STOP!"

"GO AKAMARU!"

'THIS MEAT TASTES MOLDY!'

"HELP ME, MY DEER SUBJECTS!"

"WE ARE NOT YOUR DEER SUBJECTS, IN BOTH MEANINGS!"

A boy with very wild brown hair wearing little round black glasses walked inside, followed by a horde of bugs. "Kiba, I believe that it is time that you gave the fleas on your dogs more respect! TIME TO DIE, DOGGIE BOY!"

"TIME TO DIE, SAKURA!"

"TIME TO DIE, NEJI!"

"AAAYYYAAAAHHHHH!!!"


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

_**Shikamaru's Story**_

Chapter Two: Wherefore art thou, Romeo?

Shikamaru sighed. So now Kiba, Sakura, and Neji were dead, and he was running for his life from frenzied man-eating bugs. So to say, not only Kiba, Sakura and Neji were dead, but Temari, Kiba, Sakura, Neji, Tenten, Sasuke, Shino, Gaara, Kankurou, Akamaru, and Hinata were dead. He had built a small locomotive while they were being eaten, not caring in the least, and was now riding away on a solar-powered Smart Car.

He suddenly saw something up ahead. It was two people, fighting with very thin and very blunt swords. Getting closer he saw a very fat person fighting a guy with very spiky blond hair. He parked and walked up and asked, "Where am I, troublesome commoners?"

"We are dueling," the spiky guy, Naruto, said.

"Where am I?"

"We are fighting over the same lady."

"WHERE AM I?!"

"You want to solve our problem?"

"N—" then Shikamaru noticed they were the ones with the pointy weapons, even if they were blunt, and decided. "ALL RIGHT! STOP TROUBLESOMELY MENACING AND THREATENING ME! Is it that lady, over there?" he pointed at a blonde girl with a HUGE bang twirling her a parasol and wearing a lavender dress.

"NO! THIS LADY!" the fat guy, Chouji, held up a package of Instant Ramen.

"Oh." Shikamaru sweatdropped, and noticed he was quite dry by now. "Why don't you troublesomely share it?"

"HOW DARE YOU THINK SUCH A THING?!" they charged at him and he began running for his life. Again. The blonde lady, Ino, said sweetly, "Are you done?"

"Buzz-off, lady!"

"HOW DARE YOU! TIME TO DIE!"

"HOW YOUTHFUL! LET US JOIN YOU!" two chums jumped out wearing green spandex dresses and mushroom haircuts and glued-on eyelashes.

"WHAT'S UP WITH ALL THIS TROUBLESOME MALE-FEMALE CROSSDRESSING?!" Shikamaru yelled.

"But we are girls."

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Shikamaru sat up, panting. He sighed. Phew. It was all a dream.

"THE SHIP IS SINKING! THE SHIP IS SINKING!"

"AAYYYAAAAHHHH!!!" Shikamaru jumped up and ran around, screaming. Then he stopped and walked out onto the deck. The captain, Kakashi, it seemed, had crashed the boat while reading a perverted book. Shikamaru jumped into the water. He knew what happened, anyway, and dying of cold or drowning was preferable. Besides, the Carpathia wasn't going to come for another twelve days. They were too busy eating little cocktail sandwiches on their sturdy little ship and drinking chilled wine.

Then all of a sudden he was heaved by the collar of his shirt aboard something slimy and sticky. He looked up and screamed, for he knew that face.

"SHIKA-KUN! I AM TEMARI, QUEEN OF THE PORPOISES!"

"TROUBLESOME AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

"He is screaming in joy, Queen!" Gaara smiled and showed all of his black teeth.

"Where is Kankuroa?"

Kankurou rose from the depths wearing a bikini top made of shells and a fishy tail made of shiny polyester and a large red wig.

"KANKUROA, THE MERMAID HAS ARRIVED, QUEEN!"

"YES! I want you to take Shika-kun down to our watery city!"

"YES! OF COURSE, AS YOU WISH, MY QUEEN!"

"YOU'RE DEAD! YOU'RE TROUBLESOMELY DEAD! DIE, DIE I TELL YOU!"

"He is happy to know this, Queen!" Gaara smiled again, and drew out a cigarette and began smoking. Shikamaru was grabbed by Kankuro…a, and plunged into the watery depths.

"I AM TROUBLESOMLY DROWNING!"

Then he saw a magnificent city underwater. It looked like Boston. Hinata with a fishy tail came up and tapped Kankuroa on the shoulder.

"Kankuroa, the shipments of doggie poo have arrived! They are ready to eat!"

"SHIKA-KUN! YOU MUST EAT DOGGIE POO WITH US!"

"AAAAHHHHH!!! NO! YOU'RE TRYING TO TROUBLESOMELY POISON ME!"

"TIME TO DIE, QUEEN TEMARI! I AM KIBA, LORD OF THE JELLYFISH!"

"NONSENSE, IT IS MOST HEALTHY! WAIT—YOU, WHEN DID YOU GET HERE?!"

"I WAS HERE AN HOUR AGO AND YOU DIDN'T NOTICE ME IN ALL MY GLORY!"

"GLORY, RIGHT! YOU'RE WEARING A BARREL!" Tenten yelled, Neji beside her, riding jellyfish.

"RIGHT! ANYWAY, MY JELLYFISH, AKAMARU, WILL ZAP YOU TO BITS! GO AKAMARU!"

"AH! NO, YOU'RE ZAPPING ME YOU TROUBLESOME JELLYFISH! AHHHHHH!!! I HAVE BEEN TROUBLESOMELY ZAPPED TO TROUBLESOME DEATH!!! AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!"

Shikamaru awoke again, panting.

"THE TITANIC IS SINKING! THE TITANIC!"

Shikamaru got up, banged the person who was yelling and screaming like a maniac on the head and knocked him/her out, and went outside. And all of a sudden he saw a very strange sight.

"O Romeo, O Romeo, wherefore art thou, O Romeo?" Ino, her huge bang flying in the wind, was standing in her balcony.

"…" Shikamaru stayed silent.

"O ROMEO O ROMEO WHEREFORE ART THOU O ROMEO?!"

Shikamaru sighed. Might as well play along. He knew how Romeo and Juliet went, and thank goodness he would die soon. "What troublesome light through yonder troublesome window breaks? It is the troublesome east, and troublesome Juliet is the troublesome sun."

"O ROMEO! HOW DID YOU COME SEE ME!?"

"With love's troublesome light wings did I o'erperch this troublesome wall," he said. "For troublesome stony limits cannot hold troublesome love out. In other words, I walked off a troublesome sinking ship and now I'm here."

"O ROMEO?! HOW ROMANTIC!" Ino jumped down. "Catch me, my love, so I may know I am not dreaming, and so that we might run away together and live happily ever after!"

Shikamaru stepped aside, and Ino crashed into the ground. Shikamaru started to walk away. He walked to the apothecary and bought some poison and drank it in one gulp.

"…troublesome living…" Shikamaru got up.

"THE TITANIC IS SINKING! THE—"

Shikamaru got up, grabbed the person by the collar of his/her shirt, and tossed him/her into the sea. Then he walked into the breakfast room to get something to eat, taking advantage of this moment because everyone was in a frenzy and didn't really care about troublesome eating.

And so he walked into a fairyland.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

_**Shikamaru's Story**_

Chapter Three: Shika-kun!

A fairyland. A really sparkly one. With fairies, did I mention?

"TROUBLESOME DIMENSION TRAVELING!" Shikamaru screamed.

"SHIKA-KUN!" A familiar four-pigtailed female jumped on him. "IT'S A SHIKA-KUN! THESE ARE SO RARE!"

"Queen Tem-chan! A SHIKA-KUN! HOW WONDERFUL!" Gaara and Kankurou, wearing fairy wings and tights and tutus GRACEFULLY walked up.

"Tem-dono!" Hinata with a grin plastered on her face walked up, dragging Sasuke and Sakura.

"WONDERFUL! NOW WE HAVE A SHIKA-KUN, A SASU-KUN, AND A SAKU-CHAN!"

Shikamaru sweatdropped. He was in a collar, again. Sasuke and Sakura sat beside him. Then, Kiba burst through the door. Shikamaru sweatdropped again. Another troublesome attempt?

"QUEEN TEM-CHAN! I LOVE THEE! MARRY ME!" Kiba cried out. Shikamaru's eyes widened. This was different.

"KING KIB-KUN! I HATE THEE! STOP HARRASSING ME!" Temari cried out.

Tenten and Neji walked up again. "TROUBLESOME PEOPLE!" Shikamaru cried out.

"I am Ten-chan, and he is Nej-kun," Tenten indicated.

Shikamaru drooled. Geniuses needed to eat or else they turned delusional and were called maniacs.

"TROUBLESOME BUNS!"

"Eh? Ten-chan, what is he talking about?" Neji asked.

"I don't know, Nej-kun," Tenten answered.

"TROUBLESOME FOOD!"

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Tenten began running away, and Shikamaru chased after her, dragging Sakura and Sasuke because they were chained to him. Neji stared.

"IT IS A TEN-CHAN, SHIKA-KUN, SAKU-CHAN SASU-KUN PARADE!" Neji cried out. "THAT IS MOST RARE!"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

"FOOD! BUNS! BUNS! BUNS!"

"STOP DRAGGING US DOPEY SHIKA-KUN!"

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! HELP ME SASU-KUN!"

"HELP YOURSELF, SAKU-CHAN!"

"TEM-CHAN! MARRY ME!"

"NO! LEAVE ME ALONE! GAA-KUN, KANK-KUN, HIN-CHAN!"

"GIMME A S! GIMME A H! GIMME A ELL! WHAT'S THAT SPELL? SHIKA-KUN!"

"THAT DOES NOT SPELL SHIKA-KUN YOU TROUBLESOME HALF-WITS! IT SPELLS TROUBLESOME SHELL!"

"Whot's yer pont?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

"KIB-KUN!" Shino burst in. "MARRY ME! I LOVE YOU!"

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!!! THE TROUBLESOME GAYNESS! SAVE ME, TROUBLESOME SOMEBODY!"

"I WILL SAVE YOU, TEM-CHAN!" Hinata flew at Kiba, literally, and started whacking him with her wings. Which didn't do much damage, but Kiba screamed in pain anyway.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

"I WILL SAVE YOU, KIB-KUN!" Shino attacked Hinata, who screamed in pain, and then started to hug Kiba who was lying on the ground, dying. "THIS IS LIKE A TRAGEDY! SOMEONE, LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION!"

Millions of man-eating bugs began to set up.

"SHOOT MOVIE-NOW!" Shino began hugging Kiba and looked up at the artificial lights, his sunglasses glinting. "OH, KIB-KUN! DO NOT LEAVE ME SO ALONE!"

"Ugh…"

"I WILL CURE YOU! DO NOT DIE!"

"Ugh…"

"SAY SOMETHING!"

"Ugh…"

"SAY UGH!"

"Bunnies…"

"NO! IT CANNOT BE!" Shino's eyes began to fill with artificial tears.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

"TROUBLESOME FOOD!"

"SASU-KUN!"

"STOP IT SAKU-CHAN!"

"A PARADE! A RARE PARADE!"

"I AM THE NUTCRACKER!" Kankurou shouted.

"I AM THE PLUM PRINCESS!" Gaara shouted.

"NO! MY MOVIE! MY KIB-KUN!" Shino shouted. "Speak to me, your Shin-kun! OOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!" Shino jumped up, holding his shin.

"HELP ME, TEN-CHAN, NEJ-KUN!" Kib jumped up and started running away.

"O ROMEO!" A very mad Ino/Juliet appeared in the door, followed by two bloodthirsty men with blunt dueling swords. They started to chase after poor Shika-kun.

"HOW DARE YOU!"

"GIVE ME FOOD!"

"I AM THE STARRING ROLE! I AM SO COOL!"

"I AM THE PLUM PRINCESS! I AM SO CUTE!"

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

"TROUBLESOME FOOD, STOP SO I CAN EAT YOU!"

"CANNIBAL!"

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! STOP! STOP, PLEASE!"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! SPARE US, WE DON'T WANT TO BE EATEN!"

"A RARE PARADE! LET ME TAKE A PICTURE! I WANT TO PUT YOU IN A MUSEUM! A RARE PARADE!"

"HELP ME, SOMEBODY!"

"MY GREATEST HATE EMERGED FROM MY GREATEST LOVE, ROMEO!"

"FFOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDD!!!!"

"HOW DARE YOU! RAMEN IS SACRED!"

"I AM SCREAMING IN PAIN, BUT I HAVE SAVED YOU, TEM-DONO!"

"SHIKA-KUN!" Temari ran up and hugged Shikamaru. To death. "OH NO! SHIKA-KUN! LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION! DON'T LEAVE ME!"

Shikamaru awoke.

"THE TITANIC! THE TITANIC!" Shikamaru got up, threw the person overboard, and then went back to sleep.

"SHIKA-KUN!"


End file.
